I had expected that when the school year started and I wasn't back teaching, I would find it strange, like something was missing. However, to my surprise, when the school year started and I was still working at Kayben Farms, it did not seem strange or disconcerting at all. I was completely certain that I am doing exactly what God has led me to do. As much as I enjoy my students and fellow staff, and as much as I love teaching itself, I felt completely satisfied in where I am, not knowing exactly where God is leading me or what he is doing in me, but trusting that it is going to be amazing!
Working at Kayben was great, getting to work with my hands and stay with a wonderful family from my church. At the beginning of October, I started out on my wanderings. In the past two and a half weeks, I've been in Lacombe and Langley, visiting my sisters Lisa and Wendy; in Escondido, California, visiting my friends Norman and Rosanna and checking out some classes at Westminster Seminary; Bozeman, Montana, for the wedding of friends Monique and Barry; and Lynden, Washington, catching up with good friends from church. It has been cool to see God starting to show me a lot about who he is and how I fit into what he is doing in the world already now.
When I was visiting in Escondido, I got to meet some really great people that attend the seminary. I was talking with Bob, who has a strong sense of calling toward overseas missions, and asked him where that came from. He talked about how God changed his priorities when he became a Christian, leading him to question what to do with his life now that he was living for God. He heard from a couple of missionaries, and was struck by their stories, and thought, "That's the way to spend a life!"
The reason I tell about this particular conversation is that it brought together a lot of things that God has been teaching me. I have been learning bits about who God is and what he is doing, and who I am, but it hadn't been making a lot of sense how it all fits together. I have been seeing how huge and beyond our comprehension God is, and how the entire universe is created for his glory, and how giving him glory is such a meaningful, rich, full existence. I have been realizing how much the relativism and idolatry in western culture has crept into my Christianity, and seeing that God's truth is such a beautiful, loving thing to share. I have felt the weight of my own sin and all-pervasive unworthiness, and the overwhelming wonder of what Jesus Christ has done for me. I have sensed a subtle shift in my attitude and priorities, where I want nothing in life other than to live full out for God's glory, and invite others to see him for who he is. I have been experiencing how - in all my weakness, lack of trust, and inability to be good enough - God's grace in Christ is so powerful, and his peace grounds and secures me. I have been learning to let go of some of my own self-reliance and the fear that comes with that - the fear of being inadequate or messing up - because Christ's love becomes bigger in my perspective, crowding out my fear. I feel sorrow for those who are not right with God through Christ, and feel a stirring to share the gospel out of love rather than duty.
So, I continue to learn and to listen for God's voice and see him more clearly through Christ. I am excited to see how he continues to make the pieces fall together, making it more clear how I get to be part of what he is doing. For now, I am starting to feel more of a nudging from God, maybe towards long-term cross-cultural missions, though I am still waiting for him to lead me wherever he wants me. All I know for now is that when I read Isaiah 6, I see it more clearly, because I am seeing it played out in my own life. Isaiah is completely undone by a glimpse of the all-comsuming glory of the holy God, realizing his utter inadequacy and how even the best of him is unclean. I'm starting to get why he responds to God's incomprehensible grace in forgiving and in inviting him into the work God is doing, how he can't do anything but cry out, "Here I am! Send me!".
And the more I look at it, the more I think, "That's the way to spend a life!
Working at Kayben was great, getting to work with my hands and stay with a wonderful family from my church. At the beginning of October, I started out on my wanderings. In the past two and a half weeks, I've been in Lacombe and Langley, visiting my sisters Lisa and Wendy; in Escondido, California, visiting my friends Norman and Rosanna and checking out some classes at Westminster Seminary; Bozeman, Montana, for the wedding of friends Monique and Barry; and Lynden, Washington, catching up with good friends from church. It has been cool to see God starting to show me a lot about who he is and how I fit into what he is doing in the world already now.
When I was visiting in Escondido, I got to meet some really great people that attend the seminary. I was talking with Bob, who has a strong sense of calling toward overseas missions, and asked him where that came from. He talked about how God changed his priorities when he became a Christian, leading him to question what to do with his life now that he was living for God. He heard from a couple of missionaries, and was struck by their stories, and thought, "That's the way to spend a life!"
The reason I tell about this particular conversation is that it brought together a lot of things that God has been teaching me. I have been learning bits about who God is and what he is doing, and who I am, but it hadn't been making a lot of sense how it all fits together. I have been seeing how huge and beyond our comprehension God is, and how the entire universe is created for his glory, and how giving him glory is such a meaningful, rich, full existence. I have been realizing how much the relativism and idolatry in western culture has crept into my Christianity, and seeing that God's truth is such a beautiful, loving thing to share. I have felt the weight of my own sin and all-pervasive unworthiness, and the overwhelming wonder of what Jesus Christ has done for me. I have sensed a subtle shift in my attitude and priorities, where I want nothing in life other than to live full out for God's glory, and invite others to see him for who he is. I have been experiencing how - in all my weakness, lack of trust, and inability to be good enough - God's grace in Christ is so powerful, and his peace grounds and secures me. I have been learning to let go of some of my own self-reliance and the fear that comes with that - the fear of being inadequate or messing up - because Christ's love becomes bigger in my perspective, crowding out my fear. I feel sorrow for those who are not right with God through Christ, and feel a stirring to share the gospel out of love rather than duty.
So, I continue to learn and to listen for God's voice and see him more clearly through Christ. I am excited to see how he continues to make the pieces fall together, making it more clear how I get to be part of what he is doing. For now, I am starting to feel more of a nudging from God, maybe towards long-term cross-cultural missions, though I am still waiting for him to lead me wherever he wants me. All I know for now is that when I read Isaiah 6, I see it more clearly, because I am seeing it played out in my own life. Isaiah is completely undone by a glimpse of the all-comsuming glory of the holy God, realizing his utter inadequacy and how even the best of him is unclean. I'm starting to get why he responds to God's incomprehensible grace in forgiving and in inviting him into the work God is doing, how he can't do anything but cry out, "Here I am! Send me!".
And the more I look at it, the more I think, "That's the way to spend a life!
No comments:
Post a Comment