Today, I had the privilege of overhearing a conversation between “M” and “W”, a couple of Grade 1 girls, in the girls’ washroom. (By the way, I am constantly amazed at the amount of attitude and drama girls can display at such a young age!)
M (standing in front of the mirror, preening, posing, and fixing her hair): W, who told you? Tell me, W, who told you?
W (from the stall): Nobody told me.
M: No, tell me, W, who told you?
W: Nobody told me, M. I just know!
M: You don’t just know. Somebody told you. Who told you?
W: Nobody told me, M.
M: Tell me the truth, W. Who was it?
W: I’m telling the truth. Nobody told me.
M: No, tell me the truth. Tell me the truth. Who told you?
W: Nobody told me, I swear. I’m telling the truth.
M: Don’t lie to me. Just tell me the truth. Who told you?
W: Nobody told me, I swear. Aks God. Aks God if I’m telling the truth and he’ll tell you.
M: I can’t aks God. Just tell me the truth, W, who told you?
W: Yes, you can aks God. Just aks him.
M: I can’t aks God. He can’t talk. I can’t hear him tell me.
W: Yes, you can. You just have to listen closely. Just aks him.
M: You can’t aks God stuff. He can’t talk to you.
I come out of the washroom stall and M sees me. She starts chattering to me as I wash my hands.
M: AmyLou, W says you can talk to God and he talks back to you. God can’t talk to you loud, like you can hear it in your ears, can he?
I am tell M that yes, God can talk to you. I am momentarily humbled by my difficulty to explain in simple terms what that actually means, and pause to ask for wisdom. As she looks at me with a quizzical, honestly questioning look on her face, I tell her that God uses Scripture and other people and his Holy Spirit to talk to you, that most of the time it’s not a voice you can hear in your ears but one that speaks quietly in your heart.
I walk out wondering if that was the best answer to M’s question, and laughing at how these girls interact. I slowly realize how surprised I am at this conversation. M, although she is full of drama and sometimes acts out, is usually fairly well behaved at Exodus and participates as expected during praise time. W, on the other hand, is constantly testing, continually acting out, disruptive, and not participating well in praise time. My assumption was that W never really listened to the words of the songs the children sing, and that she was not learning anything from hearing Scripture at the program every day. My assumption was that M, though she was a work in progress, was listening and understanding.
As I replay that exchange in my mind, I realize how partial my understanding is and how wrong my assumptions are. M was missing a major part of who God is, that he is relational and communicates with us, while W understood that and took it as a matter of course that you can talk with God as easily as you talk with your friends.
I am reminded of the gospel: that while we were still sinners rebelling against God, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). That man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). That it is the Lord who searches the heart and makes perfect judgements, not us - thankfully! (Jeremiah 17:10). That it is by grace that we are saved, not by what we do (Ephesians 2:8). That even as saved people reconciled to God, he is still working in our hearts to change our outward actions and none of us are yet anywhere close to what we should be (Ezekiel 36:26, Romans 7). That certainly God does work in us to change our outward actions and habits, but that is not the centre of the story.
I remember, once again, that the centre of the gospel is not what we do or how we are changed, but what Christ has done and how God has restored our relationship with himself. At the centre of the gospel is the precious and glorious truth that no matter how “good” we are, we are not good enough, strong enough, or wise enough. In our own efforts we can never be what we should be. Our efforts even serve to increase our debt as we try to usurp God by depending on ourselves for salvation instead of worshipping him in his holiness and perfection. And yet, Christ paid for that! God, in infinite love and mercy, extends extravagant grace to undeserving sinners like me. God, in infinite love and mercy, gives me a new heart, convicts me of my sin, leads me to repentance and trust, and increases my delight in his glory so that my life starts, as a side effect, to look different from before.
Listening to these little girls, I wonder how often I relate to other people out of a works-based attitude. How often do I judge a person’s heart by their outward actions, acting towards others out of my assumptions about what it looks like outwardly to be a “good” Christian? How often do I underestimate God’s work in changing a heart and softening it towards him? How often do I use superficial, unimportant markers as my measure of progress in faith? How often do I act as if I need to change others’ actions so that they will be right with God, instead of simply living and speaking the gospel and allowing God to change hearts by his powerful Word?
I am delighted and amazed to see God’s work at moments when I didn’t expect it, in the lives of little girls preening in the washroom, and in my own life. What a beautiful truth that the changing of hearts is not up to us, but has already been accomplished by a sovereign and loving Father God!
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